His dream..... My doom!!!!

I loved him.
I guess he loved me too,
Not coz I knew it for sure,
But coz I chose to believe it
He wasn't like the usual bf
He didn't like get me gifts, threw random sweet msgs or surprises
Didn't even pick up on status updates
But, he sure tried on some stuff
So I guess I can say he didn't do so bad.

But sometimes I just wanted him to be like the rest of them
Surprise me even
But he never did,
He was just the usual,
Other days he made me love him less
I even got tempted to date other guys
Break up with him even.

But I couldn't, he was different, good different
He made me happy, laugh, smile and he sorta knew me
In a way that other guys I dated in the past never did
Wasn't easily angered
Acknowledged his mistakes, respected me
And always wanted to make me happy
Who couldn't fall in love with that??!!!

Yes sometimes I felt he never made time for me
Or I wasn't even someone he valued,
But he wasn't perfect..... No one is actually
I just had to love him anyway
After all love is all about giving yourself to someone else
Regardless of whether that love will be returned or not
In short, taking a risk.
So I loved him not for the person he couldn't be
But for what he was and most importantly,
What he meant to me.

Way until he woke up one day
And decided he wasn't good enough for me
In a way that most people hated being left....especially me
"In a text"....all of a sudden I meant nothing to him
All the while being played for a fool I didn't think I was
Empty words and promises was all I could remember him whispering to me
While the sweet memories we shared kept playing in my head like a broken record
And the hurt I felt not only consumed me, it was me
He forgot about all my love,how I would never give up on us,
He was enough for me,
That's why I gave my all
After all he wasn't just my lover,
He was also my best friend.

But that's life,
We embrace the times while they last
And move on because we have to
So...No I won't be bitter or hate him or throw awful words at him
Instead I will be thankful he was in my life for the time he was
And ultimately find a way to remember him without hurting myself



Quoted from: LIFE HAPPENS: THE B.S AND SCIENCE BEHIND OUR ALMOST LOVE STORY ( AddieBoettcher).

Being there for me

Moving Forward
The past is behind
Hard as it is
Getting up after a fall
Being Better each day
Reaching for my dreams
Pursuing my passion
Coz I gotta show them
What I've got, Who I am!!

I am strong, I am beautiful
So much wiser, so much better
A fighter, A conquerer
Coz no matter what happens,
I AIN'T BACKING OUT ON THIS.
I don't care if am alone in this
Or if I have to start from the ground
What I know is Jesus is enough for me
So I AIN'T BACKING OUT ON THIS
NOT TODAY, NOT EVER!!!!


Life this couple of days has not been kind to me.... I have faced so many difficulties which seem to occur simultaneously. And what sucked the most was not being able to share it with someone else. This meant I had to be my own encourager. And what I wrote at the beginning of this article is what am using to encourage myself coupled with some uplifting music. Because I know all things pass nothing is permanent so whatever am facing right now is only temporary and is going to make me strong..

Today's life insight is to be ur own encourager....build yourself, be there for u, love urself even when no one does, have hope knowing that all bad things pass...Then lastly have faith in God....u got this..

My To-do list before I die

Today I thought I would write something different . This thought came to me after I have been sick for the past one week suffering from pneumonia. I realised I needed to write a list to put me back to the system hence the following;

Activities I would like to do before I die

1: Take a train.....kinda shocking but I have never been in a train before
2: Go for a boat ride...Am talking being on a boat, ship and riding a water bike
3: Travel the world....There are definitely so many countries I would like to visit, Asian countries, the UK, USA, South Africa etc
4:Get Married.... Yes I would love to walk down the aisle with my very gorgeous dress and marry the man I love in a beach wedding
5: Get at least 4 kids..... Two girls, Two boys
6: Drive a good car....Take driving lessons then get a car
7: Buy a house or build my own
8: Visit my grandmother's grave
9: Own a motor bike
10: Get a tatoo....But not a permanent one, I can't endure all that pain
11: Attend a masquerade ball....I have always wanted to attend one
12: Climb the Eiffle Tower
13: Buy a Sari
14: Learn Spanish, French, Korean, Japanese and Chinese....quite a lot but anyway I love to learn other languages
15: Enrol in a dance club....where I would learn salsa and other types of dancing
16: Learn to play instruments...First of all my favourite which is drums, then the rest violin, guitar and piano
17: Tell my story.... I believe my life is a story that I would love to one day share with others
18: Learn how to swim....Imagine I don't know how to swim!!!!
19: Take a merry-go-round ride.... Though am scared of heights, I would love to try on this one.
20: Visit Mombasa again...The last time I was there I didn't enjoy myself quite well and get to explore the city so a second visit would surely do me some good
21: See some of my favourite artists live....ie Bruno Mars, Jason Derulo, Nicky Minaj, Glee kids, Ariana grande, Rihanna, Beyonce, Zendaya, Chris Brown etc
22: Dye my hair....Am thinking blonde or brown or Maroon even
23: Put baby locks in my hair.... My sis thinks I would look nice so definitely I would love to give it a try
24: Go for a facial
25: Go for a massage.... I definitely love a good massage and who better to do that than a masseuse
26: Visit the Masai Mara...I don't really know what's with that place but I have heard about it a lot so I want to quench my curiosity
27: Air balloon ride sounds nice too
28: Give a framed up photo of me and my two sisters to my spiritual dad...I want him to always remember us
29: Make some sort of memory book just full of pictures
30: Learn how to bake
31: Learn how to cook good food....not that am bad at cooking but I definitely need some improvement
32: Go for a Vincentian retreat... It really helps one connect back to God
33: Compose a good song....Am not sure am good at this but I sure love writing songs
34: Visit my aunt Ngesa
35: Learn eye makeup....especially my dream eye; smokey eye
36: Model for a designer's clothes.... I have always loved to model around ever since I was 9 yrs
37: Get a big Teddy bear....one that I can hug whenever I feel down
38: Go for a night out.... I mean just a night with friends dancing, drinking just having fun
39: Get a professional Mani-pedi....I have always done this on my own but a professional one would be better
40: Have a painting of myself
41: Drink tequila and smoke shisha... Tough one though
42: Apply hena my body.... I usually think this looks so pretty
43: Learn the Texas dance... U know that sort of dance move while dressed like a cowboy.... I really like it
44: Go for a karaoke...and sing
45: Go for a movie at the theatre.... In all dimensions... 2D, 3D, 7D and any other dimension
46:Ride a carriage...I can only imagine the feeling
47: Get a name bracelet, headphones, watch and finger rings
48: Learn how to eat with a fork and knife
49: Print and Caligraph my own T-shirt
50: Go for confession

My life insight today is to challenge you to make also a list of ur own and make a point to start working on some of those stuff... After all, Life is too short and we are never sure of tomorrow

Where there's LOVE there's LIFE

Today am touching on relationships again. May seem kinda boring but in my opinion I think relationships subject is one of the largest subjects talked about. But I can understand why as relationships keep growing and changing day by day. Most people know of the marriage kind of relationship, family one and lovers kind. All of which are true and do exist but I want my main focus to be on the lovers kind; more of boyfriend and girlfriend relationship. I have read on the internet on how many people try to figure out if they are in a right relationship or if they are dating the right person and so on and so forth. But there is never quite knowing the right or the perfect person coz each one of us got flaws and imperfections.

When I first started dating, I was in love. I mean we spent most of the time together doing things that we love, went out on movie dates and all those stuff that lovers do. Funny thing is that one day after a picnic date he tried kissing me for the first time. Sounds romantic right!!!! But I slapped him and went away so mad I didn’t even want to talk to him ever again. In my defense, I wasn’t prepared for such kind of party but he on the other hand felt the time was right. We later reconciled and went back to normal. But it got me thinking, COMMUNICATION is always key to a successful relationship as psychologists have always told us. Not that I mean communicating when a boy wants to kiss a girl as that would sound cheesy. Am talking about other stuff such as arguments, problems, ideas etc. Maybe you might be the kind of person like me who when an argument arises you apply the silent treatment or avoid talking about it. This is actually poison to a relationship as stuff pile up and eventually they explode. The solution to this might be to avoid it now but ensure you talk it later. Never assume even small stuff like He kept a profile pic of another girl and maybe it has affected you. As you may assume and never ask him about it but raise it up in another argument making things go haywire and ruining things for the both of you.

For ladies I found this interesting quote, “If he…makes you laugh. Kisses your forehead, says he’s sorry, makes an effort. Holds your hand, works hard, attempts to understand you….then believe it or not, he’s quite perfect.”  So what does this all quite mean….It simply means that you look at how your man or lady treats you as maybe you might just be having a perfect one but you don’t quite realize it. Remember the saying, “Sometimes what you are looking for is right in front of your face,”…Its very much real if only you pay more attention.

For those who have been hurt before don’t worry I got something for you from Paulo Coelho: But LOVE is always new.

Regardless of whether we love once, twice, or a dozen times in our life, we always face a brand new situation. LOVE can consign us to hell or to paradise, but it always takes us somewhere. We simply have to accept it, because it is what nourishes our existence. If we reject it, we die of hunger, because we lack the courage to stretch out a hand and pluck the fruit from the branches of the tree of life. We have to take love where we find it, even if that means hours, days, weeks of disappointment and sadness. The moment we begin to seek love, love begins to seek us. And to save us.

The Other Face of Beauty

Many women till date have not yet discovered the beauty that they possess since birth. And that is hair beauty. Hair beauty to a woman like a complement to their face…..You have ever noticed that a woman’s face changes with the different hair styles she puts on. An average woman finds a hair style that suits her and starts putting it on more regularly and as time goes by she discovers more and more styles that rhyme with her. She also gathers other ideas from other women or rather her hair dresser.

The thing I would say I love most about hair beauty is that it gives a variety of options, You feel that your hair is too small, then you can easily put on braids, baby locks, plaint lines, “matuta” as they are popularly known and many more. If it’s long they you can comb it as it is, put on weave, or plaint different styles with your hair. Thanks to these modern times that we are having human hair, more weaves and more hair styles that give women of different kinds of hairs the opportunity to style their hairs as they desire.

I looked at my photos when I was young and I saw how I looked when am bald and I look funny and different, the kind that I don’t like. So I took upon myself to grow my hair and never cut it again. Not that it was all cupcakes and ice creams, but even when it got to my nerves and I really felt that I would cut it down, I remembered my “no hair” photos and the time I have spent growing it. Coz I can tell you full proof that it was a real struggle, From natural hair to chemical hair to chemical cut hair and back to normal hair, That instantly changed my mind and till date am so proud of my hair. I used to think only long hairs were pretty and desirable but I have grown to like my small, medium hair. Not only is it easily to style but it fits many hair styles.

Not that am saying deciding to go bald is a sin or something, because others also look pretty when they do so but am urging you to consider also this other option of keeping your hair.

As chances are that it won’t disappoint!!!!

Tackling Change

Normally change is boring. How do you tell me one day to just start living differently?? It sucks!!! But what would life be without change??? We need change so as to better our lives, we need change to work on ourselves, we need change so as to stop living normally, we need change to grow and lastly we need change so that we can learn and see the better things that lie on the other side of life.
We all encounter change in our day to day lives, from relationships, schools, leadership, workplace etc. We can’t possibly avoid it as it is part of us but what we can do is learn how to deal with it. Someone said, “Life is 90% what happens to us and 10% how we react to it.”
And I can surely say dealing with it is not as easy as it sounds but we can at least try. Start by taking each day at a time, if it’s a relationship change start by accepting the hurt and allow yourself to feel it because after you go through the hurt is when you can truly heal. If it’s a new job, understand first what goes on, on daily basis and never be afraid to ask where you feel lost. If you are a new leader, value the importance of teamwork and knowing those whom you lead, understanding their differences and appreciating their different personalities.
Someone also said, “It gets hard first before it gets easy but you must get through the hard part first.” This describes change in few words because after you get through the hard part you will see that it’s all worth it.
After all change is hard at the beginning, difficult in the middle but gorgeous at the end.

More Than Just an Interview!!!

Amazing Anne performing her own composition,"Tushirikiane," before the American ambassador, Denmark, Judges, Magistrates, media representatives and other guests

Yesterday at eight pm, I interviewed Amazing Anne, a gospel artist and motivational speaker via WhatsApp.

Amazing Anne who started her singing from primary school has so far released two albums and is currently working on the third one.She describes herself to me as outgoing, loves smiling, reading the bible and traveling. Her music idols being some of the greatest gospel artists like Don Moen, Michael W Smith, Darlene Zschech, Sinach, Reuben Kigame among others. Amazing Anne isn't just a gospel artist, She gives talks on Praise and Worship, mentors worship leaders and also does Youth Ministries.

Every person incurs challenges and that's no different from Anne. She highlights her biggest challenge as getting her music to the shows on Radio and TV stations.

 
Piracy and low finances adding to that as music and video production is quite expensive in Kenya. She has quite strong views on Piracy," Piracy is killing people's talents and making artists poorer.............Piracy is like corruption and has to be uprooted from the roots."

She derives her motivation to write her songs from the issues of life or what she is going through a whether its a happy or challenging situation.

With the growth of Digital Media comes the penetration of internet into the Music business. Some musicians view it as a menace but Anne sees it as an avenue to market and sell an artist music both locally and internationally. Plus giving them exposure in terms of making them known.

One of the hidden talents of Anne is that she plays the String instrument and hence advises those with a hidden talent of singing to first get capital, a good producer, and then hit the studio. The key factor being passion for music.

Two Life Insights I picked from Anne are first,"No one is perfect so mistakes can occur hence learn from them, correct where you have error-ed and move on."

 
 Second, "Passion is everything." When you are driven by passion, you will definitely make it despite the challenges.

And as I closed the interview, Amazing Anne's last words were, "When someone is touched,blessed or their life is changed, That's my greatest achievement. I do it for God's glory."

Hope you picked up something from this, Because I surely did!!!!! 

LET'S TALK ABOUT SEX!!!!

Have you ever had a relationship going so well until your faced with the dilemma, Do we do it? Do we not? I will tell you first hand that i have had such a situation. Sex issue as we know it, isn't like what was before, No Sex before Marriage. The 21st Century has made it such that its wrong to be a virgin by the time one is 18 years of age. Many relationships are being broken because of the wrong concept of sex. Many people are taking it casually, no big deal especially on the male side as opposed to the female side whereby so many emotions are associated with having sex not to count of the various pre caution we must undertake to ensure we don't ruin our future by getting pregnant or worse still acquiring a deadly disease like HIV/AIDS.
I was in church on Sunday and the priest touched on a very sensitive topic on how us youth go all wrong on matters/issues concerning sex. We take it as an essential or defining part of a relationship. That we can't have a fun if sex is not on the picture. Better yet, we can't even have movie nights that don't end up in us having sex. But that shouldn't be the case at all because having sex has never been a prove of love as prostitutes would be in love with so many of their clients.
Yes the bible and the church put sex in the contest of marriage but we can confidently agree that we have moved past that and we need to discuss on how we view sex. And here is where I pose a question, How do you view sex?? Is it a pain killer, stress reliever, prove of love, to be titled as a player, prove of maturity or is it a strengthening of a bond in your relationship?? Because this really matters especially if you are in a relationship or planning to get into one.
The question of the right time to do it will then be answered by how you view sex. For instance, if its a stress reliever for you then the time for you will be when you are stressed. But would this really be the right time??!!! Absolutely not!!!! because they are certainly better ways to manage stress that don't necessarily have to involve sex. The same goes for proving to someone that you love them or worse to show that you are a player. This is because the end results would be regrets, bad breakups, unwanted pregnancies and abortions, diseases all arising from this.
So, I won't sit here and tell you whether to have sex or not, that's upon you but I will certainly advice you one thing, why don't you give it time especially if you are in a relationship. There's no hurry!!!! Let your relationship grow first, find other ways you can have fun, have movie nights in cinemas, talk about sex, your individual opinions and views, let the both of you be comfortable with each other first before getting in to the action and when you try this approach, I guarantee that sex will be more than just a casual affair. 

Have you Ever been Pranked???!!!!!!

Everyone has ever had a friend at least once in their life time. Some true friends others fake ones but we can all agree that friends are important. Some of our friends last a lifetime even with the bond growing so strong. So this made me really think of my friends especially those whom we studied with in school particularly, high school friends. I remember we were very close, I mean hang out together, kept each other company, booked sits for others during special occasions and met up for outings during school breaks. I mean we were such great friends. The fun thing I remember about my friends was that their ability to make fun out of things and I mean who could blame them as after all, we studied in a hell hole of a school with so many rules and so much studying as the order of the day. One particular double Tuesday day, (we called it that coz most subjects that day came in double, double English, double Maths, double Chemistry etc), My friends did a prank on me that i will never forget!!!!
  (photo credits to pictures of.net)

The prank went like this.....we were just from the Chemistry lab after doing some practicals now heading to the English lesson that followed after. I was the last one to enter the class when one of my friends told me, "Kate you have something on your back". I asked her what it was but she didn't answer then my other classmate said it was a snail. Now that sounds not serious in a situation where one was not afraid of snails but I was terrified actually. I didn't care if the English teacher was there or not, I just kept screaming, remove it!!! remove it!!! But no one did. They all said they were afraid of it. I was almost at the point of crying when I asked the teacher to please remove the insect from my sweater. The teacher moved near to where i was standing behaving like a crazy lady and checked my sweater. Shaking her head, she told me that there was nothing in my sweater and asked me to take a sit or I would receive a punishment. My paranoid self couldn't take that, so i instead gathered the courage and removed my sweater only to realize that there was nothing...not even a small insect let alone a snail....I was so embarrassed remembering my funny dances and expressions earlier. Then as i was just settling down my friends shouted, "Happy April's Fools". I didn't know if i was excited or mad, but most of all i was both because the class was busting into shouts of laughter uncontrollably.
  (photo credits to nanozine.org)
Anyways, Because of that prank we never learned that day and the teacher ended up giving us an assignment to do.
It may have been kind of a serious prank which I almost got punished for but if it happened again, I would definitely never change a thing!!!! And up-to date we still laugh with my friends about the whole thing after all we are friends for life!!!!

Time Flies

 (Photo credits to target.com)

In form one, our principal used to tell us, "Don't think that you  will stay here much longer, four years is nothing, time flies." All we did was laugh and roll our eyes at the statement. But silly us, before we knew it we were counting days to finishing school. Soon sitting for our exams and leaving the Maasai Girls gate. The results followed later and now we were in a puzzle of choosing which university or college to attend and which course to enroll in
I of course didn't know what I wanted to do. But at least I had a clue as I loved business studies so most probably I would enroll in a business related course.
So that's what I did immediately after I chose Kenyatta University as my University of choice and applied for Bachelor of Commerce. Two days later I was called by the University who asked me to pick another course as I didn't qualify for it. As a matter of fact most courses ruled me out because of my poor maths performance so I settled for Hospitality and Tourism Management. But once I told my sister that, She advised me better saying that Hospitality and Tourism was seasonal so she agreed to take me to school to change it. On arrival, we analyzed the choices and drew down  to two courses, Teaching and Communication and Media Course which had just been introduced at Kenyatta University. I honestly didn't see myself as a teacher so I settled for the later.
I wasn't really sure I loved the course, but I began the registration process. Getting my documents stamped was just hell being sent from one department to another, school to school not having an idea of where they were but going anyway.
I was able to finish registering finally but later received the next shocking news that my classes will not be in the main campus but in Ruiru Campus. First of all I didn't have a clue of where that was or even how to get there. So I did what any confused person would do, I asked for directions and withing no time I was at the Ruiru Campus gate. Since I was already late for class, I only took the time table and headed back home. The next day I was introduced to my classmates and started learning. Now the other problem was that all the hostels were full meaning that I had to commute daily from Umoja till Ruiru Campus. This was indeed tiring as sometimes I would encounter rude conductors, no cars situation, our driver being arrested and getting lost. Not forgetting arriving to school late with the lecturers perceiving me as lazy, rude and unfocused. Since I was starting classed at the second semester while others had already began in the first semester, and so at least knew each other  I had no friends and never used to talk to anyone.

(Photo credits to josephdworak.com)


Time flies indeed, I did my exams, went for long holiday and was once again back to school as a second year student. But this time it was different as I got new friends, talked more and most importantly learnt to love my course.
So what life insight is drawn from my story??!!....First is proper use of time. you might think you have a lot of time but if you observe keenly, you will realize that time flies fast and before you know it, you will have run out of time. Second is Early Preparation especially in issues related to choosing career courses. This helps in finding your passion earlier enough and as it is well put in saying, "When passion is applied in work, then work becomes play."

I love you in words

My birthday.... Turning 19, I remember it like it happened yesterday..He stayed up all night helping me countdown till twelve as a personal tradition I had started and became the first person to wish me a Happy Birthday. He made my day and most importantly...he was there for me making sure I was having the time of my life...I was happy not only for that day but for the other days that I was happy being with him. And when he said later that day the three most powerful words, "I love You", I never said "I love you" back at him not coz I don't love him but because it's scary saying those words because that's when hurt starts. But on the other hand my past relationship made it hard for me to say the words..So I sat down later that day with my pen and pencil and expressed what I felt..I started.....

If I could say words from my heart I could say baby I love u and more than anything baby I need u and if it was possible I would tell u to never leave my side....

But when I look at you I think that am not worthy of your love....u tell me u love me but all I hear is u will hurt me and I don't wanna be vulnerable and say I love you too and hurt all over again...

Because love made me weak and made me strong... Helped me to love and be loved...gave me happiness and sorrow...but love made me hateful and hurt so I won't say I blame love but I blame me for not being truthful to you.

Don't walk away, just give me time I will make this right... I don't know if I believe in you but I believe in taking chances...so Lemmie get my words right and approach you and instead of saying I love you in silence.... I will say I love you too in words

The curious ones will want to know what happened later...So I gave him the notebook to read and he totally got it and he said he is ready to wait till am able to say, "I love you" in words..

So whenever you feel you can't express your emotions or feelings, write them out!!!! It surely helps.

MUSIC DEFINED....

(Photo credit to...emilysquotes.com)

Its well put by Friedrich Nietzsche.....without music, life would be a mistake. Music is a form of art that expresses ideas and emotions. Most musicians or music lovers would back me up on this as most of the music we listen to doesn't matter the different genres all communicate different ideas and emotions...A recent one by Little Mix group..."shout out to my ex"...expresses a lot of emotions ie how one appreciates the ex for making her the person she is...we can see that arising from a breakup which birthed the song. This means that several musicians get inspired differently to compose songs. Taylor Swift would be a perfect example as she is well known for writing breakup songs. Another famous singer is Beyonce mostly composing songs that empower women ie "Pretty Hurts".
And observed through the years is that the songs which are written from experiences are the ones that are much more appreciated....this is simply coz a lot emotions is expressed in one song and since the person had the experiences its more likely to sound with a lot of passion and what we call singing from the heart.
Glee the series contains two songs that I believe i can say was sang with emotions....One is titled, "Loser Like Me"...as one follows the story, It unfolds that the song came about as the glee kids were being harassed at the school because they were part of the glee club most especially by a coach who resented the glee club. The second song was titled, "Get It Right" which was sang by the lead singer Rachel Berry which according to the story was facing a lot of challenges....she puts in the song how she feels and the result is that they glee to win Regional with the song..
Drawn from all this is what I would call meaning what one sings....even during song writing its all about writing from a certain point whether experience or an idea to create a perfect rhythm, melody and harmony.